You say yes because you want her happy. Then you can't follow through, so you're not a man of your word. Then you resent her for asking. She feels all of it. This is where you learn to set a boundary before you're white-knuckling it, and how to tell her it's coming so it doesn't land as an attack.

Testing, provoking, name-calling, the fight that exists so there can be softness afterwards. Why you stay when you know you shouldn't: the protector instinct, the kids, the part of her you're still attached to. And what a boundary looks like when the other person has no interest in you having one.

Her phone, your phone, the exes, and the real question underneath: why is your worth tied to how much everyone needs you? Rescuing people is not purpose. It just looks like it. This is where your priorities get put back in order.

Going to your partner for the mothering you didn't get will repulse her, and no amount of vulnerability language changes that. The difference between the healing you need help with and the part you can simply choose. Plus the addiction question: what are you running from, or what are you trying to feel?